Roller Coaster

Roller Coaster of emotions. That is me. Today we had the 2nd of our 12 tests over the 6 weeks. They pricked Pax's finger and this time she did say hurt. So that sucked. But at least it still isn't anything like taking it from her arm. I gave her a "poke" present (a fairy princess wand). She wasn't too interested :) While at the lab, they mentioned that Texas Children's requested an additional test to be run, they called it a tic count. I asked what that meant and they said it measures red blood cells being made (or something). So of course that makes me panic. Why are they doing that? I thought her red blood cells were fine? Maybe something has changed, they only gave me her ANC last time, are the other counts off too now? AGGGHHHHHHHHHH!

I waited until 3:30 and had not received a phone call from the nurse telling me the results so I called. I kept my phone by my side and somehow I still missed the darn call! UGGH! So she left a message saying the ANC is now 126. Yes, that is up. NO, it is still not even close to being good. I keep hoping that this is some sort of weird "fluke" and the ANC is going to jump up to 1500. Well we are on our 5th test in 15 days and the highest is 126. Not good.

Anyway, I call back and leave a message b/c I still want to know what this "tic count" is and what they are checking for. I get another call and the nurse (not quite as good at comforting me as the Dr. and dumbing things down) just said that is a reticulocyte count that is part of the CBC (complete blood count). I don't know. I am confused. I ask her what the total counts are (the WBC, platelets and RBC) and she says they are all within normal range. I bust out crying and say thanks and that's that.

So after Pax went down tonight, I just started crying, and praying, and crying and praying. The kind of praying where you fall to your knees and look up to the sky and beg for God to help. An emotional roller coaster.